So I have been pushing myself so hard lately. I want to see a change in my life. I won’t get a change though if I don’t do something different. I have been practicing submitting myself wholly to God, especially my emotions. I want to be led by God not by how I’m feeling. I have been doing good lately, but of course not every day will be pretty.
I want God to break me out of the strongholds I have been living in for years. I don’t want to live like this the rest of my life. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m so desperate to be more intimate with God. I want to be consistent in our relationship. Constantly looking into his eyes and not at what’s around me and can distract me from what really matters. I’ve been getting up earlier in the mornings to be alone with God. Just me and God before anyone else can wake up. I go to the lobby and shut the doors behind me. I have been doing that but this morning was one of those not so pretty days. After my alarm went off I sat in the bed for at least 5 minutes wrestling and struggling with whether I wanted to go back to sleep or be with God. As I talked to God about how much I was struggling because my spirit wants to be with him but my flesh is selfish. It wants nothing more than to please itself. That’s when I heard the voice of God say, “Just get up.” Little did I know that these three words would bring me such precious revelation. So before I could think anymore about it I jumped out of bed. I took my guitar and bible and went to my secret place.
I WAS SOOOOO TIRED. I only had four hours of sleep. I pulled out my guitar and I said to God, “God I’m so tired. I don’t even know what song to sing you.” Quietly I heard his voice again, “Psalm 105:2”. So I turned to that verse and it said “Sing to him; yes, sing his praises. Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.” I was so touched and thought “God really wants me to be here. I can come up with a song and just sing whatever is on my heart. He deserves it no matter how I’m feeling.” After that I started pouring out my heart in song to God. Everything. God’s presence began to flood where I was. I could feel him washing over me. It was so incredible and beautiful because it was just God and I. It made me feel as though that it’s the mornings when I’m exhausted that God will reward me if I just push past my feelings because feelings are failing He will make it worth my time.Feelings fade away.
So when I went back to my room God had given revelation about people in general and the words he spoke to me earlier to get me up. He gave me this picture of Him releasing someone from being tied up by ropes. The person is free to walk away, but so many times they don’t. Instead they go back to the ropes and though they are not bound by them they will wrestle with them and say “Help me God! I’m struggling with it again!” When all along God is looking at them saying, “What are you doing? Just get up.” Though those ropes have the potential to keep them bound once they are off they are powerless. Once we are free we don’t have to struggle anymore. We just have to surrender the ropes. It gives a whole new meaning to the verse, “So if the Son has set you free, you are truly free.” - John 8:36. How beautiful is that? We don’t have to struggle. We just need to get up.